


Faded Light

by Skyes (NevaehHM)



Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Cheating, Cry's Name in this story is Ryland Tomb, Depression, Drama, Drama & Romance, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gangs, Homophobia, Hospitalization, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multi, Not Beta Read, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Slow To Update, Suicide Attempt, The Late Night Crew - Freeform, Will Edit When Complete, YouTubers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:14:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28236000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevaehHM/pseuds/Skyes
Summary: The stars are beautiful to took at, so full of light and peacefulness but yet so full of violence. For even the brightest stars burn the fastest...
Relationships: ChaoticMonki | Cryaotic/Felix Kjellberg, ChaoticMonki | Cryaotic/Mark Fischbach, ChaoticMonki | Cryaotic/Original Female Character(s), Cheyenne Avila/ChaoticMonki | Cryaotic, Cinnamon Toast Ken/Super Mary Face, Joey Bizinger/Original Female Character(s), KrismPro/MangaMinx | TheRPGMinx, Marzia Bisognin/Felix Kjellberg, Russ Money/TheDreadRed, Sean McLoughlin/Original Female Character(s), scott jund/snake
Kudos: 3





	1. Book One

**Author's Note:**

> Inside will be mature content, dark themes, suggestive and violent situations, sad/depressing ones maybe sexual ones, and other stuff not really suitable for younger audiences (please be mindful of the tags). Continue ahead if you want to check it out but please no problems.
> 
> I wanna explain how I set this book up. Inside are multiple books and you will know it's a new book because it will literally say book one, book two, etc. The bold names are who that story is focused on. Often the book will be broken into parts to more so focus on one of the characters and you will know that because you will see Part 1 along with who the part is specifically about. 
> 
> NOTE: This book may or may not have "regular" uploads.

**Pewds**

_See those stars right there? That's us, forever together and even in death never to_ _part_ _._

_-Pewds_

  
**Mark**

I d _on't know if I can trust you because every one I let in has hurt or used_ _me_ _._  
 _-Mark_

  
**Cry**

_You would never have to worry about that 'cause to hurt you would be like killing_ _myself_ _._   
_-Cry_


	2. Part One

**_Cry_ **


	3. Phase 0.0- A Death and a Birth

There once was a boy who loved to live. He was bright, and a single smile could bring happiness to the saddest of souls, that was until _**it**_ started. Now the boy was the exact opposite slowly drifting into darkness. One day he met a boy who loved the stars just as much as he did. This boy proved to him that happiness can exist in the pit of darkness. Their secrets and their future lay within the stars.

Then the boy changed, his true colors peeked out and no one knew how to handle that. _**It**_ persisted, the boy's shooting star evaporated and with his youth and death, Cry was born.


	4. Phase 0.1- Back to the Start

"Hi I'm Felix, we just moved here." The short blond haired boy said squeezing the life out of his fat Pug whom he called Edgar.

"I'm Ryland." I replied smiling down at the hyper boy.

"Why are you so tall?" Felix asked and I shrugged scratching my head.

"Well I'm going to be taller than you one day." He stated before his mom called him inside.

"I'll see you later Ry." He waved, the Pug jumping from his arms and running ahead of him.

"See you friend."

*******  
"Come on Ry, keep up!" Felix shouted behind him as we both raced down the street.

I laughed loudly as I extended my legs easily catching up to him. I passed him and cheered as I got to the clearing a ways ahead of him.

"I thought for sure I would get you this time." He pouted and I laughed ruffling his hair.

"Maybe next time Fe Fe." I teased and he wrinkled his nose at me.

The sun was setting and slowly but surly the stars were coming out and from this clearing with no outside light, we could see everything.

As the night and stars grew brighter we gazed up at them and found the many constellations all the while exchanging stories.

"There. That one's Scorpio." I explained.

I knew practically all of the constellations because I came out here every night for 14 years now.

"I think my favorite right now is Libra." He said pointing it out.

"Thats a good choice." I smiled.

"Just like becoming your friend."

*******

"Ha! I finally beat you!" He yelled then fixed his wind swept hair.

The darkened sky was glistening with stars scattered about its surface and I smiled as I looked at his cheeky grin then went back to looking at the sky.

"That was just luck." I said and he pushed me playfully.

Most would say Felix and I were inseparable and I would happily agree. Felix was my one true crush and even at 16 it still felt as if he was the one that I was supposed to be with.

"See those stars right there? That's us, forever together and even in death never to part." He said thoughtfully taking my hand in his while pointing to the sky.

The two stars we're the brightest ones and very close together but you could tell that one was bigger than the other, judging from position I would say that it was Castor and Pollux, the two brightest stars in the Gemini constellation but also known as the twin stars.

"Seriously?" I asked looking over to him.

"Of course." He replied intertwining our fingers as we went back to looking at the slowly changing night sky.

The act in itself was innocent but still I felt myself hoping for more. Never had a single person made me feel the way Felix has by just a small act and I found myself smiling for the first time in a long while.

  
"Bro day?"

"Everyday."

*******

"You never hang out with me anymore." Athena pouted as we both sat in the tall tree in her backyard, I needed to get away from the shouting match going on at my place and she was the one person I knew I could go to and she wouldn't ask any questions.

Me and Athena used to go out but we both drifted and just felt that we were better off as friends. It's not that she wasn't a good girlfriend and according to her, I wasn't a bad boyfriend it's just that we didn't fit; at least not as a couple. She seemed to always stick to me even when I'd rather be alone and she always knew what to say, that was whenever she actually got out of the house.

"So it seems that you and Pewds are getting pretty serious..." She trailed off and I blushed running my hand through my hair.

"I mean I like him but I don't know." I replied back honestly.

"That's up to you to make that move." She replied bumping my shoulder with a light laugh.

I sighed.

"I know... It's just-" I found myself rubbing my sleeve.

"I understand." She cut me off.

The one thing that I loved about her was that she seemed to understand where I was coming from even though she had no clue what I was going through.

"This is why I keep you around." I laughed and she gaped at me while smaking my shoulder.

She went to reply back but the back door opened and her older brother stepped out calling out to her. She tensed the slighest bit before smiling at me with a pat on the shouler, one that seemed to say "Everything will be alright".

"Well I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow Ry." She said scaling down the tree and skipping into the house.

I shook my head at her before returning home just in time to see my dad storming out of the house and peeling out of the driveway.

"How's it goin' Bro." The text from Felix made me smile even as I picked up broken glass and made sure that Nate was okay. Mom had locked herself in the room and she refused to come out.

Finally deciding to answer I typed out my quick response.

Fine.


	5. Phase 0.2- Downward Spiral

_**There comes a moment in a person's life when you learn to lie...** _

"I'm sorry to tell you this but your husband has been in a terrible accident."

Shock.

The funeral was small, only a few people showed up and that was the day that things went from bad to worse.

Nate was sent off to live with some distant realitive and for some reason I found myself staying, trying to pick up the peices of my shattered home even though deep down I knew there was no way to fix it.

Nate was safe and that was the only thing I was worried about, even if him being safe would mean that I would probably never see him again and it was a great chance that he will soon forget me. Mom turned to alcohol and soon the fist started flying.

I told myself on a daily basis that everything would be okay, that I just need to wait a bit longer and maybe the fist would stop flying, wait a bit longer and the names would stopped being called because I looked so much like him. None of that mattered after the fact because the only thing I wanted to do was save my mom from herself.

A knock on the door had me snapping from my inner thoughts as I quickly hopped up, wrapping the self inflicted cuts with deaf hands while simultaneously slipping on my hoodie. This was nothing new, the same torturous routine but I knew it had to get better.

"Sup Bro!" Pewd's ever cheerful voice greeted as I opened the door.

I quickly stepped outside and quietly close the door behind me, mom had just fallen asleep and I had no intentions of waking her.

"Nothing much."

Lie. I'm hurting.

"How's your mom?" He asked as we took off walking down the street.

"Oh she's great. Just tired."

Lie. She's gotten worse.

"I hope she gets some sleep. Hey, aren't you hot?" He questioned and the corner of my mouth tiped up with the slightest hint of a smile.

It was a bit on the warm side.

"No. I'm actually a bit cold."

Lie. I was burning up, but I'd rather burn then him see the things I did to myself when I felt so helpless.

"Hey Ryland. You know you can talk to me about anything right?" He asked looking at me as we finally made it to the park.

"Of course. Why would I not tell you anything?"

Lie. There's so many things that I would rather die before I tell you.

I found myself freezing as he hugged me tightly.

"Um. Where did that come from?" I asked in slight confusion.

"You just looked like you needed a hug." He answered flashing me a smile.

"Thanks friend."

*******  
"You have so many games." I commented, my eyes flicking from shelf to shelf that was nearly full of video games.

"Yeah you know.. I do this thing called YouTube." He explained tossing me a controller before coming back with a stack of games in his hands.

"Oh cool." I replied.

"Wanna record with me?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Why not?" He pouted.

"I don't like my face." I shrug and he burst out laughing.

"Fine, just don't get in the camera." He instructed.

*******

We spent countless hours goofing around and playing games and he actually recorded,us playing a bit of No More Room In Hell. After a while I stood up and stretched out my muscles, eyes widening as I saw the time.

"It's getting late, I should probably get home before my mom starts to worry." I said.

Lie, I'm going to get in so much trouble.

"You want me to walk you home?" He offered.

"Then who's gonna walk you back home?" I counter and he scrunched up his nose at me.

"Fine I guess. Just call me when you get home." He demanded and I laughed as I walked out of his house.

"Sure."

*******

Lie. My phone ended up broken, and the brusing and damage done to my body had me dancing with unconsciousness.

A sharp kick to my sore ribs jolted me awake as I coughed up more blood to add to the collection that had just started to dry below me.

"Get up you worthless brat." The words are spat at me as I immediately curl up into a ball.

Harsh slurs were sent my way and I took it, tears silently running down my face until she got the anger out of her system and tried to fix me up. I take the help because I know refusing would start her up again. Once she's finished I make my way up to my room and properly fix myself up, carefully making my way into bed to hopefully sleep off the pain.

Morning brings stiff bones and aching body but I still get up and get myself ready for school.   
.  
.  
.

My hands were deep in my pockets as my music blasted in my earbuds. My head was down, staring at my feet as I made the long walk to school. Each step made me wince in pain but I kept going, finally making it to school in a decent amount of time.

As I made my way up the steps to the school a rough shove came from behind and I hit the concrete steps extremely hard causing me to cry out in pain.

"How do like this attention you special snowflake." The words were spat at me as feet connected with my body repetitively do doubt causing more damage to my already broken body.

I did my best to make myself as small as possible as blows and harsh words were thrown at me for some unknown reason. As I waited for the tourture to be over a rather angry voice was heard quickly approaching. I opened my eyes as much as the swelling and blood would allow only to see a blurry figure approaching.

"Leave him alone." The voice registured as Pewds and I tried to stand but didn't get very far as the pain was too much.

"Felix, it's okay. Just go into the school." I rasped out the lie as the guys looked back in forth between the two of us.

"R-"

"No. Get out of here now." My voice was slightly stronger now and I assumed the blurred mess I was seeing was him crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well that's too bad." I closed my eyes and gently laid my head back on the step, suddenly much more tired than I was before. 

I heard talking but in my current state I couldn't make out what was being said as I slowly started to succumb to sleep.

"Oh no you don't Ry. You need to stay awake until I get you to the hospital." I was suddenly jerked awake and found myself propped halfway into Pewds' lap.

"No hospital. Take me home." I whispered.

"What, no. You need help now." He slowly helped me up and had to support most of my weight because I couldn't do it on my own.

"Please, take me home." I pleaded with him and he sighed.

"I would... But I care about you too much." He said as he guided me to a car.

Throughout the ride to the hospital I was in and out of consciousness and Pewds had to keep me up claiming that I may have a concussion.

When we got to the hospital he rushed me inside and a nurse attended to me immediately. They put me into a room and a doctor came in shortly after.

"I'm going to need you to remove your clothing so I can fully inspect you, can you manage that?" The doctor asked.

I stole a glance at Felix and shook my head no.

"I'll help you." Felix instantly volunteered and again I shook my head.

"I don't really need to be here." I insisted and the doctor chose that moment to intervene.

"If you are uncomfortable then he can step out into the hall." He suggested.

"I'm not leaving his side." Pewds said stubbornly jutting his chin out.

I released a sigh as I slowly turned towards him.

"Promise me you won't hate me." I pleaded with him and he took my hand in his.

"I could never hate you remember. Forever together..."

"And even in death, never to part." I finished the phrase we always said to each other since we were kids. 

He let go of my hand and with a deep breath I slowly and painfully began to take off my clothes.

"Oh my..." They both were in shock as I held my head down not wanting to see the look on Felix's face.

I couldn't handle the look I knew was there so instead I sat quietly while the doctor looked over my body.

"Some of these are old. Are there any problems going on besides the ones at school?" The doctor asked.

"No! Of course not, I tripped down some steps a while back because I forgot to tie my shoe and was rushing out of the house cause I didn't want to be late for school." I lied easily.

He looked at me for a moment before looking at another spot.

"Ow!" I had to stop myself from cursing as he touched a tender spot.

"Sorry. We may have to check for broken or fractured ribs." He informed me and I inwardly cringed.

When he got to my arms I closed my eyes because I already knew what he was going to say.

"These are-"

"Don't say it." I cut him off not wanting to hear it from him, or anyone for that matter.

"Ry." Hearing Felix's shocked voice broke my heart a little.

I could hear the pain in his voice and that was when I chose to finally look at him. He had tears streaming down his face as his mouth opened and closed not knowing what to say.

"I'm fine Fe Fe. No need to worry about me." I smiled at him and he broke down.

"You're staying with me for a while and I won't take no for an answer." He stated as he wrapped his arms lightly around me.

The doctor checked me out and upon noting that my ribs had previously been broken on top of this new break, running more test and fixing/ resetting what he could, he prescribed me some pills and with Pewds promise to take care of me sent me on my way.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked once we had gotten into his room.

"There is nothing to tell Fe." I answered with a shrug.

"Ry. If people are hurting you, you can tell me. I can help you." He said sincerely.

"I know... Everythings fine. Everything's going to be fine, stop worrying so much." I assured him and he sighed.

Lie. Through at that moment I didn't know that it was a lie until much later.

"Let's play a game or something." I suggested trying to change the subject.

"Yeah. You pick this time." He replied.

"Sounds good to me."


	6. Phase 0.3- A Try at Normality

For a week Pewds and I stayed home. His parents were okay with it and didn't ask many questions when Felix had brought it up. After that week though I was tired of being in the house, not that I hated being in the house all day with Felix, I just needed something else to do.

I suggested going back to school but he was having none of it. We played tons of video games and he recorded some for his channel as well.

"You know, you should really make a YouTube channel. I could show you how to do it." Pewds randomly suggested as he waited for his latest video to render.

"I don't know." I shrugged, looking up at him from where my head rested on his lap.

He let out a laugh as his hand ran through my hair.

"I think you'd be great." He commented, sending me a heart-warming smile.

"I'm too socially awkward to actually do half of what you do." I looked down as I twisted my fingers together.

"Hey." He tilted my head up so I had no choice but to meet his brilliant blue eyes.

"You're not that socially awkward, and with a voice like yours, I'm almost certain that you will have the subscriber's flooding to your channel." Felix reassured with the gentle smile.

I shake my head, a smile of my own threatening to expose itself, before sitting upright to stretch, my shoulder popping in the process and he crinkled his nose at me.

"We're going to school tomorrow right?" I questioned, angling my body towards him.

The immediate look on his face said he would be perfectly fine with never going back to school, but the longer we stared at each other, the softer his features became before he sighed.

"Sure, if you're really sure that's what you want to do." He said.

I beamed, before hopping to my feet. "Great. I have to run to my house to grab clothes though."

I went to leave, but Pewds grabbed my wrist, probably way tighter than he intended to; his grip loosened instantly at my slight wince, but he still held on, softly rubbing the most recent cuts and bruises hidden under my long sleeve shirt.

"Don't go yet. You can borrow some of my things and go to school from here. Just, stay." His face was slightly flushed as he asked, and it was my turn to sigh.

"Okay, but I'm going home after school. I've been gone for a bit too long." I smile outwardly, but inside, I was panicking a bit.

"Okay. Let's make the best of this day then." His smile was bright and contagious as he stood and pulled me out of the room.

****

"He finally decided to show up today." The angry voice called from behind me.

I tensed momentarily, before continuing to walk towards my class, shifting my bag on my shoulder.

"Hey. I know you hear me talking to you, you fucking snowflake." Whatever else he was going to say was cut off as Pewds wrapped an arm around my shoulder, falling into step beside me with a 'there you are,' that seemed way too loud for the current situation, while simultaneously grabbing the attention of the people in the hallway.

"You protecting him now?" Felix pulled me to a stop, his arm still around me and fire in his eyes as he glared.

"Of course he's my .... Best friend, and I'm not gonna sit back and let you bully him now that we're finally at the same school." The boys stared each other down while I awkwardly stood there, wanting nothing more than to go somewhere where there was a lot less people and a lot more silence.

The little confrontation was broken up as a teacher came down the hall. He didn't say anything because his face was in a tablet, but his presence was enough to make people get on with their day.

"Come on, Felix." I urged, pulling his arm.

He watched the disappearing back of the jerk with narrowed eyes before turning towards me, his gaze instantly softening to the point you would never have guessed that he was nearly about to thrash someone.

"Do you need to stop at your locker?" He questioned.

"No. I have everything." He nodded as he pulled me along behind him, weaving between the crowds of people in the hall chatting before the tardy bell.

"Your class is the other way." I commented as he turned left down the forked hallway.

"Your's isn't." He threw over his shoulder with a cheeky smile.

"You're walking me to class?" I asked incredulously, stopping my stride.

"Yes, now come on, before you make the both of us late." He pulled my arm until I started following him of my own accord.

When we got to the door of my class, he gave me a hug which caught me off-guard, before dashing off back the way we came. I couldn't stop the small smile that crossed my lips as I watched him disappear around the corner. I shook my head as I headed into the class, sitting in my usual seat near the front.

I pulled out my notebooks, the first I used to doodle and write game concepts, while the latter was for taking notes. Though the tardy bell was seconds from ringing, the noise levels in the classroom were dramatically high, and most of their conversations were superficial at best, but their enthusiasm for it was enough to for it to drag out. The substitute teacher stumbled in soon after the tardy bell rung mumbling several apologies.

"Sorry I'm late. Mr. Stephano asked me to substitute for him today because he had a meeting." Mr. Barrelle explained, placing his belongings on the desk before looking up at the class.

Though the rest of the class quieted down when he walked in, upon his explanation, a low murmur spread throughout the room.

"Even though he isn't here, he still left a small assignment for you all to do based on the notes from yesterday."

Now there was a grumble. I snorted, and couldn't help but roll my eyes at their reluctance to learn just because we had a substitute teacher. Mr. Barrelle sent the papers around to be passed back, and once I got mine, my mechanical pencil flew across the page. If it was one thing that I was proud of, it was the fact that I actually felt psychology to be an interesting subject. Though what we went over so far was only a few definitions about the different aspects of study-- case studies, blind studies, observer effect, and the likes-- I still found it interesting , especially because of the activities we were going to be doing later this week.

As Mr. Barrelle didn't say much else, I put in my head phones and quietly listened to music as I completed the worksheet. It didn't take long, as I had psychology note cards that I studied out of equal parts boredom and curiosity, so, not 20 minutes into class and I was already handing in my paper. The look on a few of the students faces was priceless as they followed me back to my seat with their eyes. I already knew what was going through their heads, so I turned my music up a bit louder and started mindlessly doodling in my notebook; the last thing I wanted was a group of people crowding my desk for answers.

My tactics didn't stop them from trying, it just made it that much easier to ignore them until Mr. Barrelle noticed and told them to leave me alone and return to their seats. My doodling turned into a small blurb about a man with too long arms and a too big smile that had a knack for playing unwinnable games.

"That would make a good story." The thought crossed my head and I quickly dismissed it.

Blurbs were okay, but my brain would never allow my attention to stay on it long enough to see it to completion. I was able to get several ideas down before the loud tone of the bell cut through the sound of my music and pulled me out of my thoughts. I paused the song, putting away my things as the rest of the class rushed out of the room. I shook my head as I slung my bag over my shoulder, heading out of the class and nearly jumping out of my skin as my shoulder was grabbed. My eyes shot upwards and I immediately calmed down when I realized that it was Felix who grabbed me.

"You're here?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"Yes. I came to walk you to your next class." He pulled me along without saying much else.

"You know you don't have to do that." I muttered and he shot me a playful glare.

"We're finally back at the same school and you're trying to get rid of me?"

"No. You know that's not what I mean." I hurried to correct.

Though we never lived that far from each other, Pewds' parents decided to send him to the private school. It was only now that we had reached high school, and the only private high school in the city closing down, that we finally got to attend the same school.

It was a blessing for me, as it made it slightly easier to deal with others, most of which were my same bullies from middle school (and even middle school in the case of Amaz).

"Hey." He stopped us and turned to me.

I snapped back to reality as our eyes met and he gave me a soft smile.

"You know I didn't mean that right?" He asked and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Of course. Why would you think I didn't?" He stared at me for a moment without saying anything.

It was if he was staring into my soul as his eyes flitted around my face.

"You sometimes get this look on your face. I can't describe it, but just know that you always have me." After saying that, he pulled me along and dropped me off at class, leaving before I could even say thanks, let along question anything he had said.

While I looked forward to all my other classes, AP Calculus AB was not a class I was fond of. If anything, I'm sure this class alone is the sole cause of most of my school based anxiety, minus the torment from the students that is. It was something about math that just didn't click with me. I grew frustrated to no end as the teacher explained concepts that seemed simple enough, but I could never seem to put it into practice; how I was still doing well in the class despite not comprehending anything and practically crying through every test we've had thus far was still a mystery to me.

Mrs. Chaire was a kind woman, always eager to help and forever coming up with a new way to try to make the course material easier to learn, it was just that I could never get the concepts to stick during tests and such no matter how many hours I spent studying. Don't get me wrong, I still did excellent in the class, it just took way longer to do and a few tears that boarder on hyperventilation.

In comparison, I had her husband Mr. Chaire for AP Chemistry after lunch, and that was a completely different matter. It was one of the only classes that I had with both Athena and Felix, which automatically made it my favorite class if the day, and I was the one with the highest grades in the class cause I breezed through the course work. It was the same with Ms. Angel's English IV class for 6th hour and everything just came much easier.

The school day went by without much trouble. I equate that to Felix waiting outside of all of my classes so he could walk me to my next one.

"Hey. Could I talk to you after school?" When he asked the question at lunch I was completely confused.

Countless thoughts ran through my head but I agreed none-the-less. It was always floating around in the back of my thoughts throughout the rest of school. Even when I got home and the curses started and the fists connected, I couldn't help but question what it was Pewds could possibly want.

"You think you can just leave me like this."

I tried my best to hold in my tears, my body screamed in protest as another kick landed and I could already taste the blood and mark all the places that would bruise in the next hour.

It was my fault. I shouldn't have stayed with Felix for so long without saying anything. I should have made sure it was okay first. So I understand. My mother paused for a minute, not saying a word as she froze in her actions before a small sob left her lips.

"I'm sorry." It was barely audible and I slowly rose up from my fetal position.

"It's okay mom. Lets get you cleaned up and in bed." I slowly wiped the tears from her face and guided her to the bathroom, getting her ready for bed and swiftly tucking her in.

"Good night." I muttered, kissing the now docile woman's forehead.

"Good night."

As soon as I exited the room the tears began to fall. I shook pain meds into my hand, tossing them back before bandaging up a few cuts. I wanted nothing more than to sleep, but looking at the orange sherbet sky, I thought better of it and headed out the door.

I kicked a stray rock as I counted my footsteps, not even paying attention as I walked the familiar path, heading to the clearing we've met at nearly everyday for the past 18 odd years. When I got to the spot, I collapsed into the grass, staring up at the sky as I willed my thoughts to drift. I didn't know how long it was, or that I'd even dozed off, but Felix not-so-casually sprawling across me jolted me awake.

His laughter at my, no doubt, shocked expression had my eyebrows furrowing.

"How long have you been here? How long was I asleep?" I didn't attempt to move him despite the fact he was on a rather sore spot.

"Long enough to get a video. You have an alarming amount of trust to fall asleep out here." He grinned.

"If I go that just means it was my time." I shrugged.

"You get your college applications turned in yet?" I quickly changed the subject when I felt him slightly tense.

"Yes, I applied to way more than we had too. Just waiting to hear back. What about you?" I could practically taste his excitement.

"Yeah. I applied to a few."

We fell into a silence after that, both of us staring at the slowly changing sky as it darkened and the first stars began to appear.

"You know." Felix started, eyes still trained upwards as his hand traced patterns on my arm.

I hummed, attention split between staring at the Heavens and the male still resting across my lap.

"Being out here with you.. It's like a weight lifting off my shoulders. Like there is only you and me left in the world, and all my problems and annoyances just cease to exist."

"Yeah." I agreed, turning my hand the slightest bit to grip his before releasing it and allowing him to continue his mindless doodles.

"Could you sing me a song?" The question was random and I couldn't help but shake my head.

"What song?" Even though I didn't fancy my singing voice, I couldn't deny such a simple request.

"Any song you choose." 

I thought it over for a while, before singing a Swedish song he always hummed to himself. He sat up then, eyes going wide as the forlorn melody rolled off my tongue. After I finished he sat there eyes glassy and unblinking and my nerves kicked in.

"Sorry. I-i heard you humming it all the time. So I kinda learned the whole thing." I muttered, mentally cursing myself until he knocked the air out of me in a hug.

I was too shocked from the force of it to pay attention to such an ambiguous position and the pain that shot through my abdomen. Pewd's hug was bone crushing, and he refused to let go as he began to speak.

"How would you feel if I went to school out of state?" I tensed at his question, not really expecting it.

"Out of state? How far?" I didn't give an answer right away.

He was silent, face still buried in the crook of my neck for a while before finally responding.

"Almost on the other side of the country far."

"Oh. Well, if that's what you want. I mean, if you can handle the cost of that and they have your major, I say go for it." The words leaving my mouth were the exact opposite of what I was feeling as my heart felt like it was being pulled in different directions.

"I. I'm not saying I _**am,**_ but it's always a possibility. Not many schools around here have my major, and the ones I'm looking at are really good."

"Hey. You don't have to explain yourself Fe Fe." I gave another squeeze.

"I know Ry. I just- I don't know. With you it's... Different. Gah, I just." He nuzzled his face closer, a mess of jumbled frustration leaving his lips.

My eyes searched the sky as I tried to keep myself under control.

"You'll visit if you do leave right?" The question left my mouth before I could stop it, and I just hope it didn't sound as pathetic as it did to my ears.

"Of course. I'll always come back, I wouldn't dare not too."

"Gemini is out tonight." My wandering eyes found the constellation and I couldn't help but pointing it out.

"That's my favorite one." He sighed, shifting so that he was now half propped up.

"I thought it was Libra?" I frowned a bit, I was almost certain of it.

"It's been Gemini for a while now. Ever since I met you." He admitted.

"Met me?" You could touch my confusion as I stared into his baby blues.

"Yes, Ryland, since I met you. Do you remember what I said the first time I pointed it out to you?" 

"Of course, Fe. You never let me forget." I smiled with a roll of my eyes.

"Forever together..." He started.

"And even in death, never to par-" Soft lips brushed mine and I swear I could see Heaven.


End file.
